Common Sources of Anxiety

1. Fear that someone has used the end of the toilet paper without ripping it off and then wound it back on the roll.

2. Fear of lending someone a used book, only to have that person find a poem tucked between the pages, an insipid poem not written by you, but never having a chance to explain this.

3. Fear that taking time over one’s appearance will inspire only pity in those who know you, for your efforts are in vain.

4. Fear that wearing trendy clothing featuring logos or phrases that you don’t understand will falsely identify you as a member of a neo-Nazi group.

5. Fear of having food on your face. Fear that you will be seen using a small mirror to check for this and be thought of as vain.

6. Fear that someone superficially similar to you will write to a widely syndicated advice column and that everyone will think the letter is from you.

7. Fear that you have gradually become hideous, but so gradually that those you see daily don’t notice, and that a chance encounter with a former schoolmate will reveal this to you.

8. Fear that the money you are handling has played an instrumental role in an international drug-smuggling conspiracy, i.e., that it has been planted in and later extracted from a dead body.

- Caitlin