Friday, February 17, 2006

Northanger Anxiety

10. Fear that people will look for your blog and find the wrong one, and that they will read it in secret and mistakenly think that you are foolish. Fear that people will, in fact, accept substitutes.

11. Fear that when you are friendly, it does not seem as natural as you imagine--fear that jocundity does not actually suit you, and that, while you are sometimes aggressively nice to certain people in order to overcompensate for disliking them, your behavior leads them to believe that you are secretly in love with them.

12. Fear that people in general think, rightly or wrongly, that you are secretly in love with them.

13. Fear that someone has bought clothes, committed a murder or other unspeakable act while wearing them, and then returned them to the store. These are the clothes that you buy.

14. Fear of nearly stepping into a puddle on a cold day, muttering a shocking but recognizable oath, and then seeing a kindly old man before you offering his hand across the puddle.

15. Fear of wearing slippers that were bought as a present for someone who was, at the time, sick with the flu.

16. Fear that elderly women don't find you as charming as you think they do.

- Caitlin


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