Saturday, April 08, 2006

Casque d'Anxiety

49. Fear of being told that you look like someone, then seeing that person and feeling only horror and disappointment. In the past, I have expressed unhappiness over my alleged (by self) resemblance to the following people:

Emily Dickinson
Al Sharpton*
George Washington*
Agnes Moorehead

*Hairstyle only.

50. Fear that people don't respect you.

51. Fear--a fear that has been realized--of happily noting the presence of a bolt on a door leading to a dark crawlspace, only to find that it sticks.

52. Fear that your lack of manual dexterity leads people to think that you are breaking into your own house.

53. Fear induced by the fact that, for you, the effort of thinking is apparently so demanding that people around you--"reflective" you--need to ask you if you're okay.

54. Fear that, because you missed a Rushmore reference on Veronica Mars, you will never get to meet Wes Anderson.

55. Fear that if you had listened to Ricky Gervais's podcast from the beginning, you would have sent him an e-mail of great wittiness, but that having failed to do so you will never marry Stephen Merchant.

56. Fear of sounding defensive.

57. Fear that people will think you are going out of your way to be artificially friendly and condescending, when you in fact sound artificially friendly and condescending all the time, whether you are being sincere or not.

58. Fear that in shaking hands with people you repel them.

59. Fear of telling someone to stop humming. It seems too personal.

- Caitlin


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4:57 AM  

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