Monday, April 10, 2006

The Good, The Bad & The Anxiety

1. Fear that when you open your eyes underwater there will be a large animal (i.e. shark) swimming directly at you.

2. Fear that for no reason you will burst out crying in a public place (like that time in sixth grade that made everyone in the lunchroom think you were mentally unstable or that other time, also in sixth grade, that led to you getting into an arguement with your teacher and walking out of class).

3. Fear that using outdated slang such as gee willikers in conversation makes other people hate you.

4. Fear that you are listening or singing the lyrics to a song that means exactly the opposite of what you think it means.

5. Fear that the things you are saying in a foriegn language you don't understand are either racist, sexually explicit, cause to begin an international war or just plain stupid.

6. Fear that something will happen to your precious new computer like you know what happened to the last one...the one that you DESTROYED!

7. Fear that you will never be able to build that time machine you've always dreamed of. Fear that despite those dreams, you wouldn't really know what to do with a time machine if you had one.

8. Fear that potted plant baskets are really boa constrictors coiled around in a clever disguise.

9. Fear that you will make an impression on someone's parents that will haunt you everytime you go to their house, such as the time you were first introduced to a friend's family by handing their parents a box with a dead bird in it. This wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't promptly run back to your car and gunned it backwards out of their driveway into two-lane traffic, possibly going over thier new lawn in the process.

10. Fear that others nearby when you are talking on the phone find you unpleasant and annoying because you are often loud and fakely pleasant to people when you don't have to speak to them face to face.



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