Saturday, April 15, 2006

The Rocky Horror Anxiety Show

1. Fear that one day your doctor will tell you that you can no longer eat grapefruit.

2. Fear that one day the grapefruit crop will fail and no one will be able to eat grapefruit.

3. Fear that the back of your ankles will be sliced open. (Thank you Kill Bill, this new terror is most appreciated)

4. Fear that the rice you are eating has maggots in it.

5. Fear that the last lines of your anecdotes say more about you than you would like. (i.e. 'so that's the time I was attacked by a rottweiler' or 'and that's when I realized that I was completely soaked with freezing water, dusk was coming on and it was deer season').

6. Fear that your amazing feat of delivering an envelope with a two cent stamp wasn't really an amazing feat afterall. Fear that the fact that you think so makes you a pathetic person.

7. Fear that you sound self-centered in conversation. Fear that this is because you are self-centered.

8. Fear that you will use a word in conversation that you understand but can't specifically define verbally and that someone will ask you to explain its meaning. You won't be able to and they will think you unintelligent and annoying.


(Note: I have since decided that my envelope delivery was, in fact, an unquestionably amazing feat regardless of whether this makes me a pathetic person or not. )


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