Gentlemen Prefer Anxiety

60. Fear that your bus seat is damp because someone peed on it. There’s actually a visible leak in the roof where leftover rain has been dropping down, but what if someone chose that seat to pee in for that very reason?

61. Fear that you should have made the following note to self. “If pee theory is proved false, acid rain? Be careful.”

62. Fear that leftover raw tofu, having been stored in tap water, had all night to soak up toxins like a sponge. Too bad you already ate it.

63. Fear that your teeth are shifting.

64. Fear that you wouldn’t become so irritated if you were a more compassionate person.

65. Fear that you’re not getting your money’s worth out of Netflix. File this one under “fears, haunting.”

66. Fear of being thought of as needing to be the center of attention. Fear that telling people how, at one of your birthday parties, you stood on a chair and yelled “shut up!” at your friends still doesn’t strike the right note of faux self-awareness. “Oh, she knows her failings! How she’s changed!” No one’s saying that.

67. Fear that this whole “second person pronouns” thing is ill advised.

68. Fear (confirmed) that you missed your chance to do a birthday post.

69. Fear that you lack the necessary skills. Not for your current job, but someday you’ll know that that free time you have could have been better spent. When you see a job listing that ends, “Must be able to ride bike, tell time.”

- Caitlin